I'd prefer to have a fast-forward button. Why? of course when i choose the replay button, together with the happy moments, there goes the sad moments that i would never want to experience again.

I'm always excited to see who's the "guy" out there for me. Uh.. whatelse? i also think of what future will God give my family.

How bout you guys??

 

" Ang gusto ko lang naman mabuhay ng marangal, hindi ko naman ginusto na mangyari itong hindi magagandang bagay sa buhay natin."--Dad

 

If there's something that isn't a material thing to wish for...

"I WISH  I WAS A BETTER DAUGHTER"

Hearing my Dad say those words crushed my conscience.

To be blessed with a Dad like him was the best gift God had ever  given to me. My father's sufferings for me in the past 16 years of living and even up to now cannot be measured. He just can't notice how i care for him and Mama. If only i could help them get through out of the hardships, i will. *sighs*.

Many questions are racing in my noggins.. like,

When will our li'l suffering be fruitful?

Until when will i gonna be like this?

Hope, one day, one answer will came across.

 

****

Early morning this day, just before i start eating, i realized that my belly's a bit bigger than i last saw it. Ooh.. probably because of melancholy---I'm suffering from it this past few weeks. Guess, i need to start checking out my meal plans ang start running away with sneakers on at my favorite exercise hideaway.

I hate mentioning the "number" of pounds that i gained, anyway, it wasn't that a huge amount.---I'm just hysterically overreacting! *laughs*

After a big loss of "KILOS"(with strong big caps on), i became a diet conscious person of which has never been my attitude before. Eating is a lot better than anything else, and it's so hard for me to eat not the whole but the half portion of the meal given to me. I just don't wanna reach obesity stage again.

It's much fun being in a normal weight. I could wear the stuffs that girls of my same age wear like: skinny jeans and blouses with a curved waist.---Oooh! that's smokin' hot! haha!

I reached the size of 34 inches in the waist---I only check my waistline and NOT the butt size(it's big talaga like a PATO! haha! *kiddin'*, just exaggerating the thought)

But, indeed, my waistline before was 34 inches, you know, everytime we go out, i always struggle in searching for what shirt and pants to wear.

And then, at the end.. i always end up being a fashion outcast and mistaken as a boy.

It's fun to reminisce all of those yet, soo sad that i don't wanna be like that anymore. If only people did love me the way i was before, i guess, there's no need for me to change myself physically. The way that others treated me before... ARGH! God knows how many times I've wept because of the jokes that was quite too personal and sometimes, humiliating. Even some of my relatives had thrown me jokes that's for them are funny but to me.. injuring.

 

*****

yehey! pang-fifth na ngayon. Sana makaya ko na paabutin hanggang 10.

I have steps na, para makalimutan ko na talaga siya & it goes like this:

FIRST= stop viewing any of his active site.

SECOND= Attend any mass at any church except at churches where he is consistently there.

THIRD= avoid any topic that has to do with him.

FOURTH= deadma lang sa kaniya.

FIFTH= just push myself that "I CAN DO THE FIRST UP TO THE LAST STEP".

see?? i passed the first.. and now i'm moving on to the second. This seemed very very

easy to anyone. Right? well, that's only what everybody thought. I had a hard time

planning for only 5 steps. Hope i could get this thing done and hope i won't mess things up.

 

My cellphone's beeping sound woke me up one night. Used to receiving important messages only, I grabbed my cell and sleepily pushed the keys and read the message.

"Hi there! Care 2 b my txtmate?"

Not knowing who the sender was, I deleted the message right away and placed the phone on my bedside table, I tried to go back to sleep.

I had just closed my eyes when I heard the message tone again.

"Hi there, again! Care 2 b my txtmate?" again, the message said.

"Who the hell could this be asking for txtmate at the wee hours of the night?" I asked myself.

Again, without bothering to reply I deleted the message.

I was never a 'textmaniac' - someone who enjoys texting anyone and everyone even at the wee hours of night, not to mention during the day. My parents, who were always out of the country forced me to own a cellphone. They told me that having one was more convenient - they could monitor me even if they're miles away.

I wanted to turn the unit off, but since my mother was fond of calling me at night, just to check if I was safe at home, I decided not to.

Just as I was to close my eyes and return to my dreamless sleep, the phone beeped again.

Same number...Such determination!

"Ply reply 2 dis msg & b an angel & save me frm dis abyss of emptiness!!!"

I never knew why, but the message struck me. I got up and pushed the keys... I just realized I was replying to the message.

"Im not an angel, n f u want som1 2 save u, m not superman... I'm just a simple prson who u wake up at dis r of my nyt!!! Nway, do I know u?" I typed.

Seconds later came the reply.

"Nope. U don't know dis lonely soul. Nor does she know u. But I want 2 b ur frnd. I'm Mikaella Cervantes. U?"

"Just call me Julius. How'd u get my no.?" I sent back.

"Hi Julius, nice 2 meet u. Just shuffled the last two digits of mine," she replied.

That was the first and maybe the last time I met someone over the cellphone.

We exchanged messages and learned so much about each other that night. We only said goodbye when my alarm clock rang at 5:00 AM! I had to prepare for school!

And that was also how it all started. A day would not pass without it loving and thoughtful messages from her. It was only then I had learned to appreciate text messages and become eager and excited everytime my phone beeped, hoping it would be her.

Mikaella brought out something about me that I never knew I had; I realized I could also be a romantic person... even if it's just through text messaging.

"Keep me as a frnd & I will keep u in my heart. Lock it up & throw away d key so dat no1 can evr tke u away from me..."
One day, she sent this message to me.

I replied: 'In life, we seldom find a true prson & f u evr find 1, hold on & nvr let go... value dat prson coz it's lyf's gift worth keeping & holdin on..."

I never knew why, but her response sent shivers to my spine, " Value d people hu hav touched ur life bcoz u will never know just wen dey will walk out of ur lyf & nvr come back again."

I couldn't understand what I felt that moment, but one thing I was sure though... I could not go on a day without a single word from her. I'd become used to having her, eventhough we had not met personally. But truly, she already occupied a space, a large one, in fact in my life.

I texted her back. "Dont come close f l8r ull jst pass by; don't touch me f l8r ull jst let me cry; dont luv me f l8r ull jst leave me and won't stay..."

I didn't know why I sent her that message, but somehow I felt, every word came from my heart. In the short span of time we were sending messages to each other, I knew, I was starting to keep her in my heart.

I called her once. The voice on the other end was like an angel's. Soft, kind, full of love. Yet, there was something in it I couldn't define. We only talked for a few minutes. Before she hung up, she told me not to call again. According to her, it would be better if we would just text each other.

But the voice kept ringing, not only in my head, but in my heart, I'd long to hear it once more. I tried to call her again, but she never answered the phone. She just kept on sending messages and quotations, which I copied in a little notebook. Hopeless romantic? I didn't know. All I could say was that all the messages she sent me were wonderful, they came from the heart and cut through the heart.

"Though we r miles apart, u r always n my heart. I close my eyes & der u r. Even f I'll see u never, I'll always b hir 2 care 4 u, far longer dan 4ever..."

One December night, she sent me this message. By that time we had been exchanging messages for more than a month. God knew how happy I was. She was right. Although we had not seen each other, what we felt was enough to make us both realize what was keeping us together.

I sent her another message, "Loving u secretly is a hard thing 4 me 2 do,hoping, wondring that u will feel d same way 2, but I can't read r mind f u luv me 2. But whatever it is, I'll still be loving u."

"How I wish I cud really tell u how much u mean 2 me, but m afraid 2 love, scared 2 get hurt... I hope dat u will wait 4 me & pray dat u will not get tired of loving me...=)" was her reply.

And then I replied again. " The reason y I met u is bcoz of destiny but f destiny will suggest dat I'll live w/o u, den, I'll lie not by destiny but of free will."

Whenever I asked her when we would meet personally, she always answered, "Soon...soon, love...soon."

Not seeing each other did not lessen, even a bit, what I felt for her...rather, it even grew deeper and stronger each day. And I was sure, she felt the same way, too. Love messages continued to flow through our lines, between our hearts, which made us go on each day with the thought that sooner, we would see each other, face to face, heart to heart.

Just a few days before Christmas. She stopped sending messages. At first I just though she had ran out of prepaid.

But there was something that kept bothering me... I couldn't understand what was it, but it made me fell nervous. I tried to call her but she wouldn't answer. Nevertheless, I continued sending messages.

Suddenly one night, just three days before our Lord's birthday. I heard my phone's message tone again... at last!It was from her!

"Oftentyms we say gudbye 2 d 1 we luv w/o wanting 2. Though dat doesn't mean dat we stopped loving dem or we stopped 2 care. Sometyms, GOODBYE is a painful way 2 say I LOVE YOU."

I was dumfounded. I didn't know what to think of. What did she mean? I texted her back, searching for answers, but found nothing. I called her but she would not answer.

For the first time in my life, I felt so miserable...desperate... empty. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose her. I had learned to love her. And I wanted to be with her forever.

The following days I felt nothing but emptiness. It seemed that Mikaella took the life out of me. I missed her so much...her messages...The tones that would tell me she'd sent another loving message. Nothing around me could feel the emptiness I felt.

Tut...tut...tut...tut...tut...just a day before Christmas, my cell beeped again. It was her!

"Meet me at d café, 10 AM 2day," I read aloud, making sure the message was true, then I jumped with joy upon hearing from her again. Hurriedly, I got myself ready and I went to the mall. I knew it was still early, but I wanted to be there before she arrived.

I arrived at the meeting place ten minutes earlier. I was surprised to see her already there, smiling at me. She was very beautiful, Black, deep-set eyes that spoke a thousand words; small, kissable lips; a nose perfectly chiseled and long black hair - everything in her was beautiful. And yes, her eyes radiated kindness and love...but there was a flicker of something in them...sadness?

"Hi, Julius," said the angelic voice I had been dreaming of each night. The voice that I had waited to hear for so long. "Please sit down." "I am very pleased to meet you, Mikaella," I said, as I took my seat and gave the roses I brought for her.

"Thanks, Julius," she smiled, obviously pleased with the roses. I knew she loved pink roses.

"You are always welcome, Love" "Julius, I can't stay," she said, sadness in her voice, or was it tears? "I really must go."

"But we just met, Mikaella. Can't we talk a little longer?" I asked, pleadingly.

"I can't really. I just came here to see you and thank you for the time you shared with me. Thank you for everything, Julius. I will never forget you...you will always be here in my heart."

She was looking at me straight into the eyes, and I could really feel the sadness in her voice and I swear, there was something in her voice and I swear, there was something in those lovely yet lonely eyes...

She got up and smiled at me, lovingly.

"Tomorrow morning, please come and visit me," he said and gave me a piece of white linen paper.

I read what was written and when I looked up, she was gone. The following day, Christmas, I woke up early and excitedly readied myself,thinking of her. I hurriedly went to flower shop and bought a dozen pink roses - for Mikaella.

They lived in an exclusive subdivision.

Upon reaching their house, I told the guard who I was and that I was looking for Mikaella.

The guard stared at me, sadness and amazement in his eyes and told me to wait as he called the owner of the house. As I looked at him while he was going inside the house, only then I noticed that the house was brightly lit.

A woman went out and walked towards me, smiling sadly.

"Hi, I'm Maria, Mikaella's mother. Please come inside, Julius." While we were walking towards the mansion, she explained to me why she knew me very well - Mikaella had always been talking about her friend, Julius. I hardly understood what she was saying. I was busy thinking why Mikaella's mother was crying while talking to me.

As we came near the great hall of the house, it dawned on me that there was a wake inside, Maybe, a relative passed away, I thought. But deep in my heart, I was trembling and afraid.

As we entered the hall where so many people were silently mourning while others were praying, shaking, I asked her mother. "Where is Mikaella?"

She held my hand and silently, led me to the coffin which was surrounded by flowers - pink roses, nothing but pinkroses.

No words could explain how I felt when I gazed at the coffin and saw who was lying there. The same beautiful girl I met...

A man came beside me, I knew he was Mika's father.

"We are so glad you came, Julius. Mika talked of you all the time. She even asked that her phone be buried with her.

She said that in that way, you could still send her messages and you would always be with her."

I couldn't believe everything... My mind was in limbo.

"But how can this be? We just saw each other yesterday."

"That can't possibly be. She passed away three days ago. She had been suffering from a heart disease since she was a child," said her father.

"But..." I couldn't find the words to say.

"She told us not to bother reaching you, "her mother said, still in tears," she said you will come, and here you are.

Pain and bitterness overwhelmed me. I cried silently beside her, staring at her lovely face, memorizing every line of my friend's face, a face I knew I would never forget while I was still alive.

After the internment that afternoon, I went to the chapel she had
told me she went everyday.

Sitting there praying and crying to God, I held my phone and typed: "U taught me how 2 care; u taught me how 2 b kind; u shwd me how 2 lyk som; u shwd me how 2 luv; but ders 1 thing didnt teach me & it hurts mor - u didnt teach me how 2 let go. I LOVE YOU"

I sent the message, and though I knew she wouldn't be able to hold her CP again, I knew in my heart she would get my message. I never expected a reply, yet as my phone beeped again,felt a shiver down my spine. The sender's number did not appear on the screen, and tears rolled down my cheeks as I read the message.

Let go of d hand of d person u love, but dont let go of God's hand. 4 if u hold 2 his hand. He may b holding d person u love n d ader hand 2 let u hold each other again."

"I will never forget you, Mikaella and will never let go..." I vowed to her and to myself as I left the church.

"--a very nice story, got from lovefatedestiny.com--"

Message: Peter and Tina are sitting in the park doing nothing, but just gazing into the sky, while all their friends are having fun with their beloved half.
Tina: I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.
Peter: I guess we're the only leftovers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now.
(both sigh n silence for a while)
Tina: I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game
Peter: Eh? What game?
Tina: Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'll be your girlfriend for 100 days. what do you think?
Peter: Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.
Tina: You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?
Peter: What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in theater now.
Tina: Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent each other home)

Day 2:
Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keychain with a star.

Day 3:
They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.

Day 7:

Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they said sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.

Day 25:
Spend time at a themepark and got onto rollercoasters, and ate hotdogs and cotton candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together
for a while.

Day 67:
They drove pass a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to play a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's cheek.

Day 84:
Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.

Day 99:
They decided to have a simple day and is deciding to have a walk around the city. They sits down onto a bench.

1:23 pm
Tina: I'm thirsty. Lets rest for a while first.
Peter: Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
Tina: Eem...Apple juice will be just fine.

1:43 pm
Tina waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter havent return. Then someone walked up to her.
Stranger: Is your name Tina?
Tina: Yes, and may I help you?
Stranger: Just now down there on the street a drunk driver has crashed into a guy. I think its your friend.
Tina ran over to the spot with the stranger and sees Peter lying on the floor with blood over his face and her apple juice still in his hands. The ambulance came and she went to the hospital with Peter. Tina sat outside the emergency room for five and a half hours. The doctor came out, and he sigh.

11:51 pm
Doctor: I'm sorry, but we did the best we could. He is still breathing now but God would take him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket.

The doctor hands over the letter to Tina and she goes into the room to see Peter. He look weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter and then she burst into tears. Here is what the letter said.

Tina,
Our 100 days is almost over. I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time. Tina, I love you.

 

11:58
Tina: (sobbing) Peter. Did you know what was the wish I made on the night there was a meteor. I asked God to let us last forever. We were suppose to last 100 days so Peter! You can't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to
me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.

As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.
NOTE*
Tell the guy or girl that you love them before
its too late. You never know whats going to
happen tomorrow. You never know who will be
leaving you and never return.

 

---got from lovefatedestiny.com--

Ano ba mas gusto niyo?. To me, it's better to make an english blog entry rather than those of tagalog or tag-lishes. Askin' why?--obviously, it's one of the bloggers rule(to write things with formality). Wala namang problema sa pag-popost ng super tagalog na blog, just don't make it a text-style one cause it's really annoying and not that understandable to read.

As you can all see, halos lahat ng entries ko, tag-lish and yung iba tagalog na talaga.(siyempre pilipino ko haha!). Minsan, nonsensical na yung mga post ko and parang hindi na blog kung ituturing kasi just to let everyone know what was happening to me.. i simply drop some short lines like my entry: *sad* ayaw ma-detect nung USB ko etc...---haha!

So, ayun.. all i can say is.. just blog and blog.. sure blogging isn't an english class and eventhough we're all free to blog.. let's sometimes follow some rules,so that, many people will find your site interesting to read. Right?

 

*****end*****

Sobrang saya yesterday,though, nangitim ako..--di naman masyado.

32 kami lahat and sa di inaasahang pagkakataon kasama namin yung kinakapatid ko. Matagal ko na din siyang di nakikita. Barkada din pala niya si Butch(the birthday boy).  Mapua na siya nag-aaral taking up Engineering.

Hay, siyempre.. kasama sa birthday ay ang inuman.--nahirapan akong iwasan dahil na din problemado ako.*sighs*

Ka-join ko si Leticia na pinaka unang nalasing.--gawin pa naman tubig ang matador at gsm blue. Can't believe na mapapasobra ko ng inom, kahit ayaw ko, sinunod-sunod ko talaga siya. Pero ang nakakagulat, nai-handle ko naman ng maayos yung sarili ko, super dizzy lang ako.

Pinaka masarap na part ay yung LETCHON.--hahaha! papahuli ba ako dun??

ayun lang muna.. soo tired today. sakit katawan ko. bye-bye! :))

 

I really missed 1BA02! aww.. eating with them, talking with them, laughing with them!--haha
hope to have a role play with them again. Sobrang enjoy sila kasama. Sayang nga lang di kami nakasama sa swimming nila kahit invited naman kami, mas lalo ko siguro silang hindi makakalimutan. I'm just really pissed with **!(not the gay one). Sa sobrang pagka-miss ko sa play na ginawa namin pati yung song na sinayaw namin which is "we're all in this together" lagi ko na pinapakinggan. Minsan, pati yung "Start of Something New" na rin kasi sobrang kaaliw yung mga characters na nag-portray nung role. Sila Dom and Anna yun.--may chemistry nga sila eh haha!
hay, namiss ko din yung role ko, haha! kahit ba Nanay ako dun. haha!

Nag-enjoy naman ako sa pag-visit namin sa Antipolo church ngayon kahit na sobrang init and sobrang sikip sa jeep. Feeling ko nga may sunburn na ako!--haha!

Pagdating namin dun.. nag-pray kami right away,nag-tirik kami ng candles and then we ate.--haha siyempre yun yung pinaka enjoying na part.. yung pagkain. :D

Umuwi na kami agad, pero on our way home.. while we were on the jeepney, i saw this two kids sharing foods with each other.--they were sisters.

Yung eldest kumakain ng Kirei na junk food. Nakakatawa kasi habang umaandar yung jeep, kahit sobrang nakapikit na siya.. she still continue to put a lot of food in her mouth na parang akala mo mauubusan siya.--haha.

Pinipilit niya pang dumilat kahit antok na antok na siya. Yung younger sister niya nga tulog na nakanganga pa sa tabi ko. Natawa ko lalo kasi yung pag-carry sa kaniya nung Mom niya parang nakasabit yung neck niya sa arms, kakatakot kasi parang feeling ko di na nakakahinga yung bata. haha.

Yung Mom naman, parang wala lang sa kaniya.. Daddy ko nga tinatawanan na. haha!
Yung Eldest naman.. everytime na pepreno yung jeep biglang didilat tapos kakain ng Kirei.
Hay.. mga bata nga naman.

Why do others can't understand how i feel?. I thought it's natural and normal

 to fall so deeply.---you know what i mean.

I'm too emotional this day and really really can't push what i feel down.

 Be pity of me. It isn't that easy to just stop and move over. Barely, i'm aware that this ain't work.

TOPIC TOO OBSCURING??--yea, i know. You guys maybe have no idea what this post mean.

argh! seems like i'm gonna explode if i won't let this out.

--if he hates me. then, fine. I cannot do anything with that.

--i never told him to feel the same way, though, i WISHED he would.

--sick of me?? i'm sorry. can't make myself vanish.

--i'm really exhausted know that? the problem is i'm absurd. don't know how to stop.

**please just understand me**

 

    Gosh! para akong nasa hot seat ngayong holy week. Grabe kasi sila mama and daddy makapang-asar, akala mo ka-age ko lang. Yesterday, when i went home.. sermon agad sila but, it was said in a joking manner. Tawa nga ako ng tawa kahapon.

Dad said:
           
               "para ka namang artista, di kami maka-singit sa oras mo! everytime na uutusan ka, palagi kang may pupuntahan.Dapat tinutulungan mo kami dito sa bahay o kahit sa tindahan. Dapat inaalagaan mo kami kasi tumatanda na kami, kaso, iba yata inaalagaan mo.

--haha! duh! sino naman aalagaan ko. haha! akala kasi ng parents ko may boyfriend na ako.
Akala lang nila yun. Puro crushes ko lang yung minsang binabanggit ko sa kanila, ay minsan ko naring na-banggit sa panaginip.

Mom added:

              "pag sa text o t.v. wala kang sawa, kahit hanggang madaling araw, hala sige! text pa din."

--Di na ako nakapagsalita after nila sabihin yun.. anyway, totoo naman kasi. haha!

Nung isang araw naman.. my cousin and i were in our kitchen table, talking. Biglang sumingit si Daddy, sabi ba naman--" Gwapo ba Ching? sino kamuka? saan niya nakilala??

etong pinsang ko naman sagot ng sagot.

She said:
              Hehe! ewan, walang kamuka eh nag-iisa lang haha!, classmate niya yun nung elementary pa sila"

grabe.. di ko malaman kung anong magiging reaction ko.  Napapainom na lang ako ng softdrinks habang nag-uusap sila.

huhuhu! kahapon lang ang ayos ayos.. nakapag-lagay pa ako ng pictures yesterday.. ngayon di ko na magamit. huhu!

Enjoy ang day na to.. nag-bonding kasi kami ni lola! hehe! she shared me lots of stories about my cousins, at siyempre stories tungkol sa akin. :)

Sabi ni Lola, sobrang likot ko daw nung bata ako, samantalang yung pinsan ko(Kyra),sobrang tahimik lang daw, mabait daw. haha! anong magagawa ko? eh sa malikot talaga ko. Sabi pa niya.. tatakbo pa daw ako ng comfort room dala dala ko yung pale dipper(tabo) tapos maglalaro daw ako ng tubig. ang dami kiyang kinuwentong kakulitan ko nung bata pa ako.

Lagi ko daw pinapaiyak si Kyra,--haha! Tapos, ungal daw ako ng ungal kapag aalis si lolo. Mas malapit daw ako kay Lolo kaysa sa kanya. Tulog na nga daw ako sa tabi niya, tatayo pa daw ako para lumipat sa tabi ni Lolo.

hmm.. ang nakakatuwa naman dun, sa lahat daw ng apo niya, ako daw pinaka-maaga magising! haha! early bird pa ako sa lagay na to!. Sa mag-pipinsan daw, ang pinaka-late tumayo sa higaan ay si Ate Bodie(Mary Celine--real name ni ate Bodie).Si kuya Chase(Paolo Antonio--real name ni kuya chase) naman, everytime na iiwan siya ng mommy niya, iyak daw ng iyak. Si kyra pinaka mabait daw.(weeh!! haha! mabait din naman ako ah??).

Ayun, kinuwento din niya.. pag sinasama daw ako sa grocery ni mama, habang namimili si mama ng bibilin niya, bigla daw akong nawawala, pagkatapos, kukuha ng sarili kong basket and kukuha ng favorite jellyace ko. haha! alam ko din daw kung ano yung gatas na iniinom ko.

pag may sakit daw ako, jollibee lang daw katapat ko. Kunyari magaling na kahit hindi pa.

haii.. nagawa ko lahat yun??? haha! ano pa kaya yung ibang di ko alam??

While i was waiting for the train.. i saw this very familiar guy wearing a stripe shirt. When he face on my direction, i suddenly felt the tension and how the butterflies in my stomach move. Oh my gravy! it's him!--my super-duper crush since elementary.(love na nga nafi-feel ko)

After i saw him, hurriedly, i went to another place that's a li'l bit far from his place. When the train arrived, i walked in.. and then.. argh! nagulat na lang ako when i saw him at my back. huhu! na-tetense ako kanina--nakakahiya! Sobrang shaky ko. I can't move. From Katipunan station.. pagdating sa Anonas, gusto ko na bumaba! talagang di ko na makaya yung kaba ko! Lalo pa akong na-tense nung nagsalita siya. Nasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko--"My God! ganito ba talaga epekto niya sa akin??".

Ang lamig sa LRT pero naiinitan ako,ako lang yata naiinitan dun. Di ako mapakali, minsan parang ang OA na nung feeling pero i just can't do anything to make this feeling cease! helpless ako. Gosh! paranoid na ako.. may kasama pa siyang girl.. (lagi na lang). Was she his girlfriend kaya??

Yea, don't have the right to get jealous cause' in the first place "he isn't mine naman" pero.. basta! if you were in my shoes, guess you'll feel the same too!--my situation is quite normal and similar to others.

 

At last! nakaraos din sa test sa CS101! nabawasan mga iniintindi ko.
hay. Yesterday, was the saddest day ever. Why??

--A friend frankly told me that i really can't have the guy i adore
cause' i simply don't have any chance to get him.

yea, it hurts. soo much. Not angry with what she said..
its just that, the words are really hard to swallow and admit
it to myself. After what happened.. I'm still hoping that,
the stuffs she told me are only just the contrary
so that..i'd feel much better and not BITTER.

"There are times that, i wanted to go back to where
it all begun. [elementary days], kasi mas masaya,
nakakasama ko siya. i get the chance to talk to him
without worrying anything."

nakaka-stress yung exam na ginawa ni Sir Joem. Hooh! feeling ko zero na naman ako sa exam nun. Hirap talaga ng symbollic logic. Same as syllogism,i really can't understand it. Nagtawanan na nga lang kami ni sister Cony paglabas namin ng Barsam Hall. --haha!.

Malamang daw sa zero na naman kami kasi hirap nung truth values chuva-chuva :) (kitams di ko alam tawag!--haha!). Nung una, nadalian ako, pero nung nagbigay na ng sample si Sir na pa paragraph type.. sumakit ulo ko! haha! kaya eto, sa final exam.. nangangamote.

Honestly, puro guess lang ginawa ko. Medyo worried na nga ako sa magiging result ng grade ko sa Philosophy.--goodluck sa akin! aja!

It's a very onerous day yesterday! hooh! i went home at i guess, 11:00 p.m. It's so fun taking pictures with ate Mabelle and his gay friend, Janine and her boyfriend, & lastly.. Joyd. I really had fun. Although, it was tiring.. but, sharing smiles and laughs with them took away the stress in me. What i really enjoyed there was when we took a picture with a painter. Saw his artworks really really good!--so professional!

And then, we went to Fort Santiago, inside it.. there has its own chapel, i prayed there. I wrote my wishes in a lengthwise sheet of paper and i left it in the altar. while swiftly walking in the aisle, the wind gently passed over my face..--i felt that the chapel was miraculous.

After Intramuros, I went at leslie's house to attend our general practice.--pagod na ako.

We painted banners.. etc. What really made my stress to come out more is the guy who's part of our play. On the first meeting, he touched my left-side waist and on the second, he held both side.. i hate him! one more touch and my hand will rest upon his face!

hooh! masaya naman kahit papaano.. yun nga lang may mga "PASAWAY" na hindi um-attend!. Kung sino pa yung Director and yung mga may lead role yun pa yung wala ano b yan. 9:00 am ako dumating yung iba nga mas maaga pa pagkatapos, naghintay pa kami ng 2 hours! grabe tlaga!. Nkakaasar. Kung alam lang namin na wala kaming masisimulan kanina eh di sana di na kami pumunta.. medyo nawalan ako ng gana.

Hay.. lapit na namin ipresent yung play namin sa humanities subject. I'm a bit excited at the same time KINAKABAHAN--big caps pa yan. Sabi kasi nila ako daw yung magiging Mommy ni Gabriella sa musical play haha!. March 6 namin ipepresent and yet, wala parin kaming nasisimulan. Sa Sunday,pupunta kaming circle--wee! soo exctited!.

Guess it'll be a fun fun fun sunday! haha! yea, sunday is a family day but, we're really running out of time and madaming schedules ang masasagasaan if we'll start the practice on Saturday. May class din kasi ko nun and my groupmates sa Rizal are planning to go to Intramuros kasi kailangan namin gumawa ng scrapbook to complete our subject requirements.

Honestly, can't really remember what Mrs. Montez looks like, guess i still need to watch again HM(hish school musical)film. Hay, sobrang disappointed kami nila leana,drea and obet sa napili nilang gaganap sa role ni Sharpay Evans. NO OFFENSE pero, the girl they chose really doesn't fit the role!--sobrang hindi! anyway, and actually, yung girl ang nagrequest na siya na lang yung magpo-portray ng role ni Sharpay. Kainis lang kasi, "grade ng isa, grade ng lahat" kaya diba dapat piliin nila yung deserving at bagay dun sa role?.

Can't wait to have our practice on Sunday!.. ano kaya mangyayari??---need some goodluck! byee!